Good Grief

i was originally going to call this post "no frills" to characterize the general look of minnesotans. people dont seem as preoccupied with appearance here. more about comfort than style. its awesome.

by the way im typing on a german kezboard, so the z key is where the y key should be, and it really mixes up my thinking, so just excuse mz lapses in spelling...the punctuation is also a little crazy, so im only going to use commas and periods. zou understand, zes.

but then, this terrible thing happened. ive been housesitting the past few days for my friends here, and part of the sitting involves caring for these birds that they rescued. well, one of the sparrows looked a little ill, so i took frenchesca out of the cage to feed her, and immediatelz i knew she was in for. i gave her some water and put her back in her cage, thinking the water would revitaliye her. i came back within a few minutes to check on her and she looked wretched, so i picked her up in attempts to soothe her, but apparently i just soothed her right along to death. she froze stiff. now shes really frozen in the freezer to preserve her physical remains until keely and carsten get back so we can give her a proper funeral. whoever said grief was good. i dont agree. grief feels like shit to me most of the time. i had a beer to help me get over francesca. it only worked a little bit.

her boyfriend sparrow, augustus, took it pretty hard. he shared a cage with her and wouldnt eat after it happened and the next day. i dont think he trusted me or what i was feeding him. i dont blame him. he couldnt understand that she died of natural causes. he had a right to be suspicious. but it was just killing me that he wouldnt eat and hated me so much. keely and carsten said he would be better off to go ahead and free, so i did. it was glorious. well, actuallz, he flew straight into a bush, but then i saw him flyzing around all curiouslike within minutes. so i think hell be okay. now, i just have the crayz mourning dove, lulu, to deal with. although, she didnt seem to mourn at all over francescas death, which is a bit ironic.

now, its been a few days, so im not as torn up about francesca, but i thought id go ahead and share the story and more importantly my grief.

other than that, ive been really lazy, finishing a book, watching lots of tv, mowing and playing in the garden, making raspberry vodka. it was so nice to be alone at first, because i hadnt been by myself for about a month. but now im getting a little anxious for some action. sometimes, thats all i can do to motivate myself, is to get so lazy that i feel almost worthless, and the onlz way out of the self worthlessness is to make a goal.

so what should my first goal be...