Venturing and Gaining

EEWWWWHHH. The dog just threw up, and somehow, it's just not as awesome as the hurling gorilla at the Bronx zoo. Probably because I had to clean it up.

Thanks to me, some more cucumbers got pickled this morning. The jars sealed and everything. I'm becoming so skilled. In the meantime, I decided to clean up in the basement. I haven't finished, but I got a good start, and it allowed me time to bond with Loulou, the rescued mourning dove. I let her fly free while I was sweeping and organizing. That bird's trust and love is all mine, mine, mine. I can't say the same for the sickly depressed dog, who apparently can't wait until Keely and Carsten get home.

So I'm just taking care of business while they're out of town for the next few weeks. It's good to know me, if I do say so myself. I was going to do some painting and weeding around the evening, but it's raining and pouring, and I've only been good for snoring. Luckily, I think things are going to be cooling down around here as a result of the much needed rain, which will be nice for that painting and weeding. The whole country seems like it has been in heat.

Other than keeping up with the pets and chores, I got to hang out with Josh and Franz the other day. Josh and I went to the St. Paul's farmer's market, in which we got attacked by a thunderstorm. We were drenched. We brewed some tea to warm up and wait for it to pass before venturing to Uptown (It's like the Williamsburg of New York; in other words, a hipster mecca), where we saw some snazzy cars all dressed up. It was kind of like the Harris Lake Boat race, but not at all. No racing involved. Just parading.

Then Franz and I went to check out Josh's farm, which was quite beautiful. We saw two fawn on the way out to his place and got a little lost in the country on the way home. To our joy, a drunk, country couple helped us with directions, as they were getting out to change drivers. We followed their swerving tail to the main highway.

I'm venturing into a book on writing called If you Want to Write, written by a long-time deceased Minnesotan, in hopes to cultivate my imagination. I've had such an aversion to writing lately. I don't know if it's from school, or the OA, or what, but something left a cramp in my hand and a block in my head. But I guess I'm just making excuses. Anyone can write, but I'm just not. It's all about change and making myself do things. Getting over aversions. It's just the beginning: venturing and gaining. Hopefully, not failing.

On a lighter note: I get a haircut tomorrow by a sexy, Scottish man. Yay. It's been ages.

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Well, I haven't posted in awhile, because I didn't really have anything out of the ordinary to post about. But I guess I could take the American Beauty approach and talk about all the beautiful plastic bags I see floating around in the Minnesota breeze. That's not really true, but lots of other ordinary things have happened. Now, how do I make them sound incredible? How about I just summarize and leave the makeovers to your imaginations? Great.

1) I've learned how to pickle cucumbers recently. Very exciting. Actually I do wish I had a picture of the process, because anything green, is usually pretty, except for envy. And sweet Jesus, I love the smell of dill. Don't buy me flowers; just give me a bouqet of dill, and I'll simply love you forever. Or love you simply forever. Your pick.

2) Relaxing in the hammock has taken up a bit of my time. Luckily, it's productive relaxation and I finally finished Machine Dreams by Jayne Anne Phillips, who I met at a short story conference last year. I've also read Black Tickets, but it's a compilation of short stories, so it wasn't as easy to get into. And it seemed overly artistic in that abstract way. Not as grounded as I found Machine Dreams. Takes awhile to get into also, but by the end of it I was hooked by the relationships between the characters. Talk about some pyscological realism.

3) I've managed to do some more painting on the exterior of the house and will continue to do so. It's a slow process. Wouldn't want to rush it.

4) The Walker Art Museum and Sculpture garden kept me busy on Tuesday. I usually love museums, but I found myself being annoyed by art in general on this particular museum trip. I could go on in more length, but I don't want to bore the uninterested. Zap me an email if you want to hear more about my new philosophy on art.

5) I've been eating so much good food. Carsten really knows how to cook things up right. I'm taking notes, so look forward to tasting some of my new dishes. No longer will I only be famous for cheese triangles and baklava.

6) Some time ago, I hung out with Franz, Chad, and Rachel--all Heifer alumni. Chad's mom concocted some Margaritas for us to go with the Braut (sp? that sausagey meat thing) Chad grilled. Bon apetite!

Then, Chad, Rachel and I saw the Wallflowers play in downtown Minneapolis on a gorgeously still evening barely lit by a fingernail moon. The concert was sponsored by Miller Light to raise money for the Catholic Church. Funny, I know. The Wallflowers aren't the most exciting band to watch, although the keyboard player provided a few laughs. I think he thought he was a drummer. Too bad Dylan is so monotonous. Result: The sleepiness makes it easy to miss some of the thoughtful lyrics. I know I'm making fun, but I went and had a good time, so I think that means I'm not being snobby about this reflection.

Speaking of music: 89.3/4/5 The Current depending on reception is a great radio station in St. Paul/Minneapolis. If you're able to check it out via the internet or some other device, it wouldn't be a bad choice.

Another musical note: The Oxford American music issue comes out soon. I'm wondering which songs made it. Some of you might like purchasing it. Even if you don't like music, you might like the writing. Or if you don't like reading writing, you might like the music.

7) I tried to give some lady directions in Spanish. It was a hoot. Neither of us knew what I was saying. So much for a college education.

8) Some boy of about 12 or 13 came by wanting to mow the lawn. He also said he sold massages. I just mowed the lawn that day, so that was out of the question. And somehow I thought purchasing a massage from a young lass could get me in trouble with the law. Where was that kid's mother?

9) We've got hooked on this show called Brat Camp. Where was that show when my brothers were wild adolescents? It might have helped. Luckily, they're all a little more sane these days. Not completely, but sane enough that I'll admit the relation. I wonder if Joel's ever thought about being a counselor at some outdoors camp? I could see him being good at it. He's a therapeutic kind of guy.

I also had no idea that watching Million Dollar Baby would make me weep. I also saw Team America, which I found vulgarly amusing. My friends were appalled by the movie and I think by me, since I couldn't help but laughing during parts where they were smirking in disgust. So what if I've been watching too much television?

10) And I've just been thinking a lot, you know, about my life and where I want it to go. I could go on, but it would get really messy for you to listen to. I'll most likely be working on Josh's farm (another Heifer alum) in Wisconsin starting in the beginning of August and lasting through the end of October. I'm pretty excited about it, as I think any new work experience can help clarify my messy thoughts.

I'm sure I'm leaving all kinds of things out (I have to say this to make it seem that way), but hopefully you feel more in tune with me.

I know my mother doesn't. Last night on the phone, she was like, "So what have you been doing?" I'm like, "You know the usual, just hanging out and stuff." I have a habit of being frustratingly vague...at least she thinks so, but in this case, I thought it was a rather explicit description of my life lately. Her response: "Ellen, nothing ventured, is nothing gained." I think she was saying I'm boring. Thanks, mom.

But let me put it more into context for you. This was after she was trying to convince me to locate all the Greek churches in St. Paul/Minn. and visit each one of them. Not to find God, but to find a Greek man. Afterall, that's what she always did to meet boys. If it was for God, I could kind of understand. Besides, she's 50% more Greek than me, so it made sense for her to do that kind of thing. Maybe I am unadventurous. I just don't feel like looking, especially on a Sunday. Do you blame me?

Good Grief

i was originally going to call this post "no frills" to characterize the general look of minnesotans. people dont seem as preoccupied with appearance here. more about comfort than style. its awesome.

by the way im typing on a german kezboard, so the z key is where the y key should be, and it really mixes up my thinking, so just excuse mz lapses in spelling...the punctuation is also a little crazy, so im only going to use commas and periods. zou understand, zes.

but then, this terrible thing happened. ive been housesitting the past few days for my friends here, and part of the sitting involves caring for these birds that they rescued. well, one of the sparrows looked a little ill, so i took frenchesca out of the cage to feed her, and immediatelz i knew she was in for. i gave her some water and put her back in her cage, thinking the water would revitaliye her. i came back within a few minutes to check on her and she looked wretched, so i picked her up in attempts to soothe her, but apparently i just soothed her right along to death. she froze stiff. now shes really frozen in the freezer to preserve her physical remains until keely and carsten get back so we can give her a proper funeral. whoever said grief was good. i dont agree. grief feels like shit to me most of the time. i had a beer to help me get over francesca. it only worked a little bit.

her boyfriend sparrow, augustus, took it pretty hard. he shared a cage with her and wouldnt eat after it happened and the next day. i dont think he trusted me or what i was feeding him. i dont blame him. he couldnt understand that she died of natural causes. he had a right to be suspicious. but it was just killing me that he wouldnt eat and hated me so much. keely and carsten said he would be better off to go ahead and free, so i did. it was glorious. well, actuallz, he flew straight into a bush, but then i saw him flyzing around all curiouslike within minutes. so i think hell be okay. now, i just have the crayz mourning dove, lulu, to deal with. although, she didnt seem to mourn at all over francescas death, which is a bit ironic.

now, its been a few days, so im not as torn up about francesca, but i thought id go ahead and share the story and more importantly my grief.

other than that, ive been really lazy, finishing a book, watching lots of tv, mowing and playing in the garden, making raspberry vodka. it was so nice to be alone at first, because i hadnt been by myself for about a month. but now im getting a little anxious for some action. sometimes, thats all i can do to motivate myself, is to get so lazy that i feel almost worthless, and the onlz way out of the self worthlessness is to make a goal.

so what should my first goal be...